She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
