The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
