Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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