Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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