you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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