Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
