i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize