What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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