My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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