uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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