i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
