now i know why i became what i already was.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
