How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
