Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
