So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
