covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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