I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
