it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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