there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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