don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
