i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We need to get me chipped asap
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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