these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
