oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
