i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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