Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize