DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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