but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
