Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We left the knife in your bed.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
