ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
