the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
