One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
