Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
