Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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