Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
