I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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