why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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