I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize