you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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