my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
