Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
