i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
