i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
