I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
