New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
