I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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