Less talking, more tequila
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
