Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
