Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Randomize