My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
