did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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