Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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