i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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