If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
