Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize