It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
