At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize