what if every blade of grass was a penis?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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