I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize