You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
