Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
well you can't waste a boner
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
