i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
