i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
