thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
