i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize