I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
