Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
