"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize