My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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