whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
