I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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