she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
