Hey man sorry I got all grabby
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
