Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
